Hey Everyone,
I just been really down lately, my car is taking longer to process then I thought. Im a little behind on school work and I just feel overwelmed and tired. I spent this whole weekend extremely sad and feeling out of control. My life is always a mixof my past and present clashing. Sometimes I feel so ashamed of the decisions I have made I get stuck in this mental bind where I cant even lead my feet to move. When I start to look at the positive in my life its like I have a voice constantly remiding of all the mess Ive done. I havent done anything as far as crimes being comitted or anything on that level but I just don't know what to do at times.
I have friends but I cant tell them what I am feeling, and I can't make them feel what I am feeling. Somedays I feel as if the sun will never set and sometimes I wish it would never rise. I need some sort of peace to clear my mind, but just what that peace is I just dont know. Sometimes I wish I could just swallow a pill and everything would be ok.
It's funny I wanted to be grown so fast when I was younger. But, now I wish I could be a child again. Safe in my mother's arm and talking about all the beautiful wonders the world held and how bright my future would be. I know my mother has been telling me its just time to grow up and be totally independent. But, to be honest I don't want to be at times. I love the comfort of my mother always being there and helping me through whatever I go through. A comfort that I do not feel everyday. When I was a child I just new everything was going to be alright, the morning was a beautiful sight and the night hauntingly enchanting . Now the nights are bleak and lonely at times, and the sun stings my eyes and then I long for the comfort of the dark and quiet nite.
So much confusion, I just dont know what to do.
